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Re: Ashes, Ashes
Thank you so much, BGB. I miss critiques =[
Aug 30, 2006 -
Re: Dyslexia (PG)
Oh I get it! Dyslyxia, right. Whoa, now that I'm thinking straight, I believe this is an accomplishment. I still think you could brush up some of the phrases, though. ...
Aug 30, 2006 -
Re: not even a farewell
I back these comments and, in addition: hid ing (den) in (behind) your eyes
Aug 21, 2006 -
Re: Hitching a Ride
*bites lip* Organ walls...like the walls of organs... You know, the intestine-y stuff. That was my point.
Aug 21, 2006 -
Re: Starter Speech
Thanks, Sam! I was rather proud of this poem, and I'm thankful for the input. I'd hate to say this, but it was actually pretty pessimistic. I was implying more ...
Aug 19, 2006 -
Re: Gorgeous Neon
Memorable, yes. But unclear. For example - you start off with the "man in woman's throat" image, and do not return to it until the latter part of the poem. ...
Aug 18, 2006 -
Re: reasserting myself
This is way too abstract - I've read it over four times, and there are still sections that refuse to make sense. I'm sorry.
Aug 18, 2006 -
Re: Armageddon
I appreciate your critiques, but I think Rosalina's actions are more than explainable. First of all, she is drunk. Secondly, she has born years of abuse from the Emperor and ...
Aug 15, 2006 -
Re: Bleet
I didn't want to comment on this, because I would have nothing to say. I frankly and simply enjoyed this.
Aug 14, 2006 -
Re: for Maggie
We look shoulders over Personally, I'd just say the normal "We look over shoulders". It's direct.
Aug 14, 2006 -
Re: Armageddon
Ethers “Fuck.” He was under his desk. The room vibrated again, dust shaking all around him landing in his mane of black hair. It was slicked back, but as somebody ...
Aug 13, 2006 -
Re: Italy, July 2006
A beautiful sentiment, but the only lines with any profound meaning were in the first stanza. In any case, I am sure that profound is not always the aim of ...
Aug 12, 2006 -
Re: The One-Way Ladder
Hah. This is cute. When you say Ladder of Time, though, I think that's just way too blatantly obvious and a waste of a line. Oh, and I think it ...
Aug 11, 2006 -
Re: underscoring last night
The ending wasnt as strong. I have 15 minutes on a cafe computer and i sort of our conversations. i'll get back to this saturday night.
Aug 8, 2006 -
Re: [oldstyle] edit
(What happened to us?) I especially love this addition. And you completely changed the middle. It added a new element to the poem, and I had to read it slowly ...
Aug 4, 2006
